I was out with a friend tonight doing one of my fave things. Reading the backs of romance novels aloud. Found this gem.
This is honestly the most wild sounding romance novel I have ever seen and thought it might brighten someone’s day.
OK FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO DON’T REALIZE, SANDRA HILL IS THE WOMAN WHO WROTE “ROUGH AMD READY” ANOTHER EROTIC VIKING NOVEL. SOME OF THE MORE MEMORABLE QUOTES BEING:
“As Hilda’s buttermilk bosoms squished up against his granite abs, Torolf almost had a dick aneurysm.”
“Torolf entered her like she was a lottery. His engorged pecker pushed inside her and she felt fulfilled with sexual fulfillment.”
“Her body was like a beautiful flower that was opening and somebody was pushing their dick inside it.”
YOU DO NOT KNOW HOW MANY PEOPLE I HAVE READ THIS TO AT COLLEGE. ONE GUY COMPLETELY LOST IT FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES AFTER HEARING THE PHRASE “DICK ANEURYSM.”
snape could’ve been an awesome teacher if he wasn’t a disgusting waste of a human being. he knew from age 16 that the instuctions that the textbooks were giving weren’t as good as they could be. he improved the potions and recorded his methods at age 16. if he weren’t such a shitbag, he could’ve either written the damn textbooks himself, or taught his students his alternate methods. he could’ve revolutionized how potions were being brewed, teaching whole generations a superior method of potion brewing. instead, he spent his time bullying children.
He could have become rich and famous and been one of the most well regarded wizards of his age with his knowledge of spells and potions
But instead he decided “The girl i hurled racial slurs at put me in the Friend Zone so I’m gonna go become a Magic Nazi and then spend the remainder of my adult years emotionally abusing twelve year olds”
He could have become everything a Slytherin should have been instead of the epitome of what everyone else thinks they are.
all those ‘say no to drugs’ assemblies in school where WACK i never once had the pot head kids push the Devils Lettuce on me. they’d be like ‘hey u wanna smoke some of this here Blunt of Marajoouana?’ and i’d be like ‘no thanks i dont smoke’ and they’d be like ‘ok cool’ and never bother me about it again
drinkers? NO CHILL AT ALL. even into adulthood people act like i’ve slain their child when i say i am completely sober. like every single time i’ve said no to drinking some person is like ‘what about jello shots there’s barely any in it’ or they’ll leave me a solo cup of wine ‘in case you change your mind’ and when by the end of the night i haven’t had it they’re all ‘you didn’t want any?’ LIKE? YAH I SAID I DIDNT?
anti drug psa’s are fine but they gotta talk about drinking too bc never once did anyone i know who did drugs push me to do it too but everyone i tell i am sober tries to find a way to get me to drink like i said ‘i am sober but change my mind’ or smth
when someone is a christian they are not constantly asked their position on the holocaust the transatlantic slave trade the extermination of native americans or any of the thousands of atrocities committed by christians so why do muslims get asked about terrorism and jewish people about israel and are grouped in with specific bad people while christians are not required to explain themselves??
goyim and non muslims can and should reblog
[christians and all sectors of christianity that means you]
I want conversation. I want a connection. I want talk to you about my day. I want you to tell me about yours. No wasting time. I just want someone who wants the same thing as me.
all Bucky wanted to do was get some more tea and now this. Thanks a lot, Sam. You had to fuckin’ tell him, you ass.
Aggressively Progressive Steve Rogers is so what I’m here for.
STeve would unleash and be all “DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WHOOPING COUGH SUCKS?! DO YOU?! DO YOU REALLY?! ARE YOU FUCKIN’ STUPID?! BUCKY, TELL THEM HOW I BROKE TWO RIBS! TELL THEM!”
Omg, new headcanon, Beleaguered Bucky Barnes being grabbed by the shoulders and practically lifted into camera view by Steve shouting about how Bucky needs to confirm some terrible illness because no one else is alive form that time to corroborate any of Steve’s claims. Bucky shyly telling the reporters that yes, Steve did indeed have that thing adn yeah it is dangerous and Steve jumping back into frame like “I told you! I TOLD YOU IT SUCKED SHUT UP JENNY MCCARTHY!”
“AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?! POLIO!”
“Steve you never had fucking polio-”
“YEA BUT IT STILL SUCKED! KNOW WHAT STOPPED IT?! VACCINES!”
“Oh my God, Steve.”
“I DIDN’T EVNENKNOW WHAT THAT SHOT WOULD DO TO ME BUT I TOOK IT!”
“Steve, that’s… That’s not really a good argument.”
“I DON’T CARE FOX NEWS NEEDS TO STOP USING MY IMAGE!”
“Steve, doll, calm down.”
“I VOTED FOR OBAMA!”
I love everything about this post
And all the while Sam is just laughing his fucking ass off and Bucky is wondering if he could just go take another nap for a few years.
Okay but imagine the savvy pediatrician who shyly sends Steve a message at Avengers Tower. She loves his message. Loves it. Wants to know if she can give her vaccinated kids a sticker of the shield because she wants other parents to subtly get the message, and of course what kid doesn’t love Cap? She’s no graphic artist, but she got a picture of the shield off the Internet …
… two weeks later, a box arrives at her office. It’s an order of shield stickers, very clearly actually produced by a graphic artist. Some of them sparkle, some are metallic, and some of them say “Protecting my friends by protecting me!” for the older kids who can appreciate the idiocy of the anti-vax movement.
There’s also a hand-written note with Pepper’s personal address at Avengers Tower listed on it: Contact us when you need more. No charge. Keep fighting the good fight.
They end up going on sale after the pediatrician’s colleagues see them and want to pass them out. Steve insists that any profit they might make should go to the March of Dimes. Tony and Pepper barely talk about it before they go “do you know how little it costs to produce stickers, Steve?” and decide to donate the entire sales cost. They’re not expensive to sell, either, but it adds up.
Vaccination rate goes up. Being an anti-vaxxer stops being trendy and starts being seen as living in the dark ages.
Steve Rogers, everyone.
It got better.
Much better.
This started out great and *kept getting better*.
The post I wanna reply to is gone, but it’s possible that Steve had polio and didn’t know it! Most cases are actually not severe/paralytic and many children recover completely, but post-polio syndrome could partly account for his trouble with muscle mass and easy fatigability years later.
Casually remind them you can very easily take this to the next level. And they can earn jail time while you lay back in your chair, having saved yourself and everyone else from a violent criminal.
Your online actions have real life consequences.
Make sure they learn that.
(Just in case there’s a “the police wouldn’t do that” - Yes. They absolutely would.
Or a “I can handle it.” No. That person will continue to harass others as well. And one of them may not be as strong as you. So do it for them and everyone else.
Or a “It’s not that severe.” Yes. It is. People have died because of this. It really is that severe.)
Take action. And make sure the lives of these bullies are truly wrecked.
You guys better fucking reblog this.
Don’t just like it, reblog it. So people know.
You cowards better reblogged this
Wish I’d known this when an ex-friend was doxxing me and I ended up in psychiatric inpatient.
you think youre a loki stan? my dad turned off Thor 2 after loki fake died. I had to spoil the ending for him so he would finish it
picture a 64 year old man with the temperament and the looks of ron swanson watching the Thor: Ragnarok trailer completely blank faced, until Loki shows up and he smiles and says “Mira! Ese es Loki”
